Guest Post: The Music Man (The Less Endearing Version)

I want to raise money for my son’s school band. Nobody seems to want me to.

Fellow Waffle Eaters,

My name is Joseph and I’m your guest Substacker this week. I’m not a fundraiser but, like you, I read Fundraising for Breakfast and am into it. Over at The Scorecard, I typically write about being a dad during a time when youth activities are getting amped up. For example, I wrote about the time my kids got cut from piano lessons. Yes, piano…lessons. 

Did my kids get cut from Team Piano?

I’ve recently had a confusing fundraising experience and Dan encouraged me to share it here. Not because it was successful—but because it immediately flamed out.

My sincere question to you is this: What do you do if you want to fundraise for somebody/something, but they don’t want the money?

This recently happened with my son’s high school band.

Many years ago, I played trombone in my high school and then, eventually, college marching band. I loved it. I sweated through summer practices, lugged equipment, and sold oranges to raise money for the band. It also gave me a deep love of music, rich friendships, and a sense of belonging so valuable in those teenage years.

It also gave me the most rewarding and loving relationship of my life: I met my wife, Theresa, in high school band. It’s an uncommon story, we know, and we’re grateful for it. But that’s what gives us both a sense of responsibility to make sure a vibrant band experience exists for others, especially our children and their classmates.

Yours truly on the left with the trombone. My flautist wife on the right in the white hat and bunny ears. Lots of good Friday night memories from 1997.

Here’s what’s going on: my son recently signed up for high school band and I anticipated joining and supporting (with time and money) the booster club. However, the band director told me there’s no need since the school provides all the funding he requires. Which isn’t true and a crazy thing to say out loud. The band is insanely small (20 members), recent performances were canceled because of broken instruments, and I’ve never heard anybody in the performing arts department of any public school say they had enough money.

I’m worried. When music programs fall below a certain number, they go away. And when that happens, it’s hard to bring them back.

Sometimes it’s hard not to feel like this guy when the band is hot. I want my son to know what that feels like!

I’m ready to raise money for this guy but he says he doesn’t need it. To be clear, this is what I want to raise money for:

• Restore the “pep” band to its former status as a marching band and get them in front of a cheering hometown football crowd!

• Have you ever watched band kids swing their instruments at each other like light sabers? I have. I’ve done it. Bands need money for repairs.

• Pay for fun events like travel to trips, parade involvement, and concerts.

I sent a follow-up email asking to talk more about fundraising and volunteering for the band. Just coffee and conversation. No response.

There are other twists and turns to this story, but my attempts to become a volunteer fundraiser for the marching band clearly weren’t received well. Weeks later, I received a response (buried in an unrelated email) reiterating that he didn’t need more funding and that he didn’t want to meet.

Case closed.

This experience has left me with some important takeaways about challenges facing would-be fundraisers:

Sometimes talking about fundraising over email doesn’t work: At the end of the day, this got shut down over email. I still don’t understand his reasons, and I suspect he doesn’t understand mine. I need to talk with this director in-person so we can understand each other’s position better. I feel like email makes fundraising communication harder.

The challenge of complacency is real: Even if the band director isn’t happy with the size and capabilities of his band program, he’s still getting paid and he’s tenured. That’s a powerful reinforcement of the status quo. Meanwhile, there are lost opportunities for the kids in the band and for the kids who could be in the band.

Managing my disappointment that this wasn’t easier is hard to swallow: I’m a dad and a former band nerd who wants to raise money for the high school band. It’s weird to be fired-up to help someone for free and getting shut down. I’m not sure what I should do. I have some power here. I’m a parent who has a concern which usually means the principal will take the meeting and hear me out. What happens next is anyone’s guess.

What should I do, waffle eaters? Have any of you been in this position? Dan and I were joking that I’m like the reverse Scout. Instead of being a kid banging on his door for money selling him things he doesn’t want, I’m a dad pushing hard to raise money nobody seems to want me to raise. (Dan asked me to include the below for new readers who’ve not yet met his nemesis)

Help me Substack! I’m Being Bullied By a Teenage Fundraiser

Fine, I’ll Hire My Fundraising Bully. But Then What?

Sound off in the chat and help a guy out.

What do you do when you want to fundraise for somebody (or something) that impacts your life, but they don’t want the money?