A Fundraising Poem (that oh so artfully rhymes “Shakespeares” and “beers” at one point)

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Let it be known to all and sundry that Fundraising for Breakfast will move to a bi-weekly posting schedule for the rest of the summer. Dan’s working on a few articles he hopes will appear in the fall /winter and he’s trying to make a bigger dent in the last 1/3 of his book. God help him.

Our Chief Development Officer, Lillian, is retiring at the end of the month and my colleagues and I wanted to send her off in style.

Our plan was to somehow memorialize her go-to fundraising advice—advice that’s driven much of the fundraising strategy under her watch. To paraphrase Lillian:

“There’s only three things you can do in fundraising, you guys…Acquire, Enhance, and Retain.”

So, naturally, I wrote a poem about it that nobody really asked for.

Below are excerpts from the poem—I don’t provide the whole thing because you don’t have time for that. You’ll get the gist pretty quickly. But first, these are the fundraiser-poets who created a sensation!:

Photo courtesy of Maureen (co-author of Mr. Beast article). From left to right: Patti, Amy, Katie (who doesn’t know how to type), Your Poet, and Holly (who once got her arm stuck in a mailbox sending donor thank you notes)

I—Holly (Welcome)

Welcome one and all to this grand soirée,
To send our dear Lillian off on her merry way.
From banks to boards, she’s made her mark,
Raising money with a well-aimed spark.

[…]

But before she escapes down Kent Island lanes,
Drinking drinks with Alison, no more campaigns!
We 5 humble poets will remind you and your brain,
Of the words of dear Lillian—clear, wise, and urbane,

“There are three things you can do in fundraising…
Acquire, Enhance, and Retain.”

II—Dan (Acquire)

To acquire new donors—that’s goal number one!
Lillian’s done it with style, with charm, and with fun.
From power suits past to Development Queen,
She’s hustled and networked and kept it all clean.

[…]

She taught us to dream, to aim ever higher—
To channel our inner fundraising crier.
So, I repeat again with words easy to sustain:

“There are three things you can do in fundraising…
Acquire, Enhance, and Retain.”

Behold! A rare look at Your Poet in the throes of poetic inspiration and literary production!

II—Katie (Enhance)

Thank you, Dan, for these lines that are rhyming,
We don’t often get the chance to speak in verse all the timing.
I wish we could, but alas, there’s more to phrase,
As Lillian would say: “get out there! There’s more money to raise!”

To enhance a new gift takes patience and flair,
And Lillian’s done it with charm, a nod, and a stare.
A coffee, a card, a well-placed “How’s Sue?”
Next thing you know, the donor’s ready to give two.

[…]

Now she’s retiring, but let’s all remain,
And remember the words she’s branded on our brain:
“There are three things you can do in fundraising…
Acquire, Enhance, and Retain.”

This is what it actually looks like when I write poetry

III—Amy (Retain)

Holly! Dan! Katie! Where have you been hiding these talents?!
To rhyme with such ease, such panache, and such balance!
I’d always suspected, but never quite knew it,
Deep in the heart of most fundraisers is the spirit of a poet.

But words are just words, here at this retirement party,
Cries Lillian: “We need to retain, we need to be more smarty.”

[…]

Now as she retires, here’s what she’ll maintain:
“There are three things you can do in fundraising…
Acquire, Enhance, and Retain.”

IV—Patti (Conclusion)

Cry mercy! Cry havoc! By Zeus! And by Shakespeares
Who knew these fundraisers could rhyme after just two beers.
I am tasked with bringing our revels to a close,
And to send Lillian into retirement with cheers and some prose.

[…]

So here’s to the woman who could juggle and aspire—
There are only four things you can do in fundraising…

Acquire, Enhance, Retain…and then Retire.

A poetic send-off focused on the three things fundraisers try to do with donors: Get them interested (Acquire), see if they want to give more (Enhance), and build relationships to make them want to stay (Retain).

Fundraising really doesn’t get any simpler than that!

Be looking for Fundraising for Breakfast every other week through Labor Day.