"This Is Czechoslovakian Ivory": Thinking Through Last Week's Fundraising Questions

[Forgive me, waffle-eaters, for resending my 9/23/24 post. My use of the word “sales” in the original title and subject line is, I’ve learned, a one-way street to many people’s spam folders.

If you can’t find the original post, it’s below. Sorry about that.

If you’ve already read it, you’re an angel and I love you. Read it again and I’ll love you even more.

If you’ve not read it but recognize the quote in the title, you’re invited to my Thanksgiving]

I’ve never read Death of a Salesman. And if you have, you read it in high school. Which doesn’t count any more. Sorry.

I’ve not read it, not seen it performed, and never considered teaching it. With a title like Death of a Salesman, it sounds like things go from bad to worse. I assume it’s about wait one second and let me check my notes right here in front of me so I don’t get it wrong oh gosh let me see I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of Substack and the new subscribers so early in this post ahhh yes here it is as bold as brass it’s about “death” and a “salesman.” Got it.

What I know about sales—like most of us—comes less from plays I’ve never read and more from my (good and bad) experiences as a consumer. My botched encounter with a car salesman detailed in last week’s post notwithstanding, let’s invite the salespeople among us to respond to what the fundraisers said last week when we asked “Is Fundraising the Same as Sales.”

The answer from the fundraisers was “Yes and No.”

The answer we’ll hear from the sales force is “More than you’d like to admit.”

I smell a dogfight.

Last week’s post featured only fundraisers because I know more fundraisers than I do salespeople. But a few on the sales force messaged me and were open to keeping the conversation going. Like with last week’s fundraisers, each salesperson gets a super-dope Navy fighter-pilot name.

Cat Scratch Fever
“My reputation as a salesman is just as important to me as your reputation as a fundraiser is to you. I want my clients to feel good about what they’re buying beyond the point of sale. You want your donors to feel that, too. You don’t call it ‘point of sale,’ do you? You call it something else. But it’s the same concept.”

Buzz Kill
“You sort of set salesmen up to fail in that post, dude. Nobody wants to be the car salesman in your example. Who wants to be the guy who doesn’t listen and scribbles on Post-It notes (dynamite reference to ‘Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion’ though). He sounds like a guy who wasn’t going to make any real money selling you a used car and blew you off. You’re right that that’s bad sales, but that’s not all sales. Tell Kitty if Keith Morrison doesn’t come for Thanksgiving, I will.”

Major kudos to the sales team at The Chronicle of Philanthropy for selling ad space to the Scientologists in the September issue. Couldn’t have been cheap.

Midas Touch
“You fundraisers know that not all sales are one-and-done, right? In my line of work, when I’m bringing on a new dealer, I need to establish trust for a long-term business relationship. I step into their shoes and explain why my products are better and/or easier for them to install. Because I want to keep doing business with them. Isn’t that what you do, too?”

Father of the Year
“I’ll sell you my car if you’re still looking. It’s a 2014 Kia Sorento with 160k miles and a check engine light that’s always on. Added bonus: my kids destroyed the back seat. Make me an offer. How’s that for a sales pitch?”

Multiple requests for photographic evidence of said destroyed back seat of a 2014 Kia Sorento were rudely denied. Above is a boring stock photo. Some spilled Cheerios and a couple of toys, Google Images? Grow up. Try rice pudding, green apple Fruit Roll-Up vomit, and dog hair. Come at me, bro!

The sales team are bringing a different energy to this question and perhaps we can agree that there’s some shared conceptual territory between fundraising and sales: both seek to inspire others to do something—whether it’s donating to charity or buying something. At bottom, it seems like both groups rally around a few key shared concepts: relationships, reputation, trust, listening, and responsiveness. What they all look like in practice, I suppose, depends on how you understand the needs of the person on the other side of the table. Which seems like a good place to let this conversation sit and stretch its legs a bit.

I’ve not read Death of a Salesman and I’m probably not going to. But I’ve seen Planes, Trains, & Automobiles about a hundred times. Remember Del Griffith?

Del is a hellava shower curtain ring salesman. He’s a fast talker and the above is funny because what he claims about shower curtain rings are downright unbelievable and yet his delivery is so earnest. I think Del can get us to think about sales and fundraising with a little more heart. Because he’s not selling shower curtain rings in the above scene. He’s selling feelings, perspectives, and aspirations. Which is what the fundraisers (from last week) and salespeople (from this week) tend to agree about.

If Del Griffith walked up to me at BWI airport and tried to sell me rings that I could hang as ornaments from my new car’s rear view window, I’d probably buy them.

If Del Griffith asked me to consider donating my old car to a nonprofit that supports the unhoused, I’d hear him out.

 If any of you waffle-eaters are looking for something to get me for Christmas, you’ve found it. And for those keeping score, this is the second John Candy reference in the life of this Substack. The first one was here. There will be more, God willing.

I think Del Griffith a charming salesman and probably would have made an engaging, compassionate fundraiser.

The last word on this topic goes to an ace fighter pilot named Grizzly Bear who has worked both in fundraising and in sales:

“Fundraising is a type of sales, and I also think sales is fundraising. There is no shame in either. Just in not doing either well.”

Nicely said, Grizzly Bear.