You probably didn’t know this, but Kitty has a celebrity crush. And because we’re all friends now, let’s talk about it.
(For those who’ve not yet met Kitty, scan the Fundraising for Breakfast police blotter and get better acquainted).
Kitty’s pulse beats double-time whenever she sees Dateline’s Keith Morrison: that suave, hard-hitting, investigative journalist you see on NBC every Friday night. What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants. For those who don’t watch Dateline, this statuesque drink of water is Keith Morrison:
Confession!: Kitty has never suggested I ask Morrison for money as she has with Nicholas Cage and Joey Chestnut. But I’m an attentive son, you guys, and I’m anxious that my mother’s heart isn’t broken by some cut-rate, news magazine correspondent. So, I’ve inserted all of Substack into Kitty’s imaginary love life and done some research/Google-stalking that nobody asked me to do.
What I’ve discovered is that last year Keith Morrison made a subdued, albeit very persuasive fundraising appeal on Twitter that has me looking at my mother’s silver-haired paramour differently.
Let’s ramble down Lover’s Lane, shall we?
My general knowledge of Keith Morrison is rather limited. I’d seen Bill Hader’s impression on some YouTube reel, though the last time I watched Dateline, Stone Phillips was still the host (Question: Is Stone Phillips still alive? Google: Yes). And my wife reminded me that we once saw Morrison in a restaurant in Baton Rouge in 2005. Not holding back, here, you guys: I don’t watch Dateline and therefore know very little about him.
S I D E B A R
Have some fun watching Keith Morrison chew the scenery:
Beyond the above clips, my awareness of Morrison is rooted in the shrine Kitty keeps in her living room. She calls it an “homage,” but who’s she trying to kid? There’s a candle in it. That makes it a “shrine”:
Internet sleuthing tells me Kitty isn’t alone in her infatuation with Morrison. My 15 minutes of research uncovered others who are similarly fascinated by him, his journalistic style, and his interview approaches. But for our purposes here, know that this is the woman whose heart Morrison holds in his septuagenarian hands:
Long story short: I Googled, I watched YouTube, I participated in a prayerful moment of silence at my mother’s Keith Morrison shrine/homage, and I get it. He seems suitably kooky in his weird monologues and off-the-wall interview style to keep me paying attention and tuned in. I get the appeal.
But I started to see a bit more when I learned that he was Matthew Perry’s stepfather. (Backstory: He married Perry’s mother in 1981 and from what I can tell, Morrison and Perry seemed to have a good relationship).
Following Perry’s death in October 2023, the National Philanthropic Trust launched The Matthew Perry Foundation, a nonprofit committed to addressing issues of substance use and removing the stigma around addiction. Morrison took to Twitter to encourage others to donate to the newly established Foundation. Here is his November 27, 2023 tweet:
I’ve been puzzling over how Morrison’s tweet works and how (if at all) it fits with his public persoane. Here are a few of the tweet’s notable characteristics:
It’s short. One tweet. Four casual sentences that say an awful lot without needing to say it all outright.
It’s timely: Giving Tuesday is a moment when charitable giving looms large. Morrison wants the Matthew Perry Foundation to be part of the conversation.
It makes an ask: “Do what you can” is, to my mind, a weak ask. But coming from a grieving stepfather, it rings differently. And it hits home.
Gratitude: “He’d be grateful” doesn’t mention Perry’s name. As if mentioning his name would be too hard. Which is upsetting to think about.
Look, you guys, I’m not suggesting this is an A+ ask. But for all its brevity and indistinctness, it resonates, doesn’t it? Probably because it feels like a very un-Keith-Morrison sort of ask. There’s no monologuing. No lingering gaze into a camera. No cliff-hanger to keep you watching. It’s a straight-forward, bare-bones appeal to support an organization that maybe could have helped his stepson.
There’s a larger point here about the earnestness that accompanies a sincere ask. Isn’t that what’s really coming through that tweet? Its timeliness, its simple request to “do what you can,” and its gratitude all come together to give the tweet and the solicitation a sincerity and sweetness that tells us a lot about Keith Morrison at a very difficult moment for him and his family.
“Keith Morrison is a Fundraising Beefcake” is a bit strong of a click-baity title. I see it, too. Especially after analyzing his tweet. But Kitty approved it. So it stays.
Now, I’m not quite ready to play a game of catch with Morrison in the backyard or have him explain to me where babies come from (“You know, sport…when two people love each other very much…”). But I did just spray paint “Kitty + Keith” onto a tree in the official Substack forest:
Morrison’s fundraising tweet is, I think, probably more of what he’s like when he’s not performing “Keith Morrison” every Friday night on Dateline.
Modest. Caring. Casual. Pointed. Heartfelt. Understated.
If that’s the case, then I’m sort of a fan now myself.
And that’s something.
…or is it?
It is a homage, Daniel, not a shrine. A shrine implies that I’m sacrificing baby goats and chickens in my living room. And that would be, dare I say, weird.
I will send an updated photo of the shrine if anyone wants to see it. 😉