In honor of this past weekend’s Puppy Bowl and all the animals lovers out there, my dog, Jasper, would like to share with you the skills he’s developed making asks.
Below is a slightly edited version of what Jasper asked me to post this week.
I am Jasper the dog. I am a good boy. I do many good boy things.
This is me. Notice how good I sit.
I hate this sweater. But tall man loves it. Is hard being a fashionable boy at Christmas.
Substack in good dog hands today. I teach you how good dogs ask for good things.
You can be a good hooman asker too if you follow my advice.
I spend my day napping, barking, and asking for many things—treats, scratches, treats, walks, treats, and attention. I get many things for me because I am superb dog asker. I am role model.
Here’s three things I know about asking that hoomans should do.
Make good eye contact when you want something. Try to catch tall man’s eye and hold it. Don’t look away. Let him know you’re there. I like to sit still when I’m doing this and throw in a little whimper here and there for good measure. Just to remind him I’m there. Works every time. Tall man gives me piece of what he’s eating.
Warming: Don’t overuse “puppy dog eyes.” Use sparingly for only the best treats (beef jerky). Too many puppy dog eyes stop working after long.
Good eye contact makes ask without asking for anything.
Notice eye contact and posture. Tall man gave me a potato chip after this photo because I make good ask.
SIDEBAR: The Hounds of Fundraising for Breakfast
Meet my friends. Most are dogs of fundraisers. We sniff butts and talk shop about teaching hoomans how to ask for things.
Top left to right: Ash, Beautiful Etta, Bella, Buddy; Middle left to right: Coda, Daisey, Maizie, Max & Beanie; Bottom left to right: Muppet, Nala, Sydney, Sweet Piglet
Be patient when asking for what you want. Nobody likes it when I loud bark at them when I make ask. Sometimes I soft bark to get them to look at me, but loud bark is bad. I try to be casual about the things I want, but can be hard.
In early days, I jump and paw and say “Hey! It is me. The dog! Give me food right now!” It’s no good.
I once jumped on chair and ate hamburger off tall man plate at dinner table. Was delicious. Child #1 and Child #2 laugh. But tall lady yell. Said is not how good boys behave. Shame.
Be at the right place at the right time. Where I sit like a good boy is important when I ask for something. The best place to be at dinnertime is under the table by Child #1. Lots of good stuff drops.
Another good place is in the kitchen when tall lady and tall man cook. I am opportunistic dog.
Is important to not make ask like cat. Cats do not ask. They demand. They say “give me food and get out of my house!”
Top left to right: Polly, Mavis, Monkey; Bottom: Noodles
Make eye contact. Be patient. Try to be in right place at right time. Don’t be a cat.
Is what good dogs know about good asking.
I am Jasper the dog and thank you for reading.
New Fundraising for Breakfast subscriber, Andrea, runs an organization called Proud Rescuers of Puerto Rico which helps my dog and cat brothers and sisters find homes. This is important work so please visit site.
Muppet read this to me aloud. He told me Jasper is a great writer. He admits he’s still working on the art of the ask - he recognizes now he’s too impatient.
Beanie listened to about two words before standing up on two legs and reciting some poetry…I think she was really moved.
Muppet read this to me aloud. He told me Jasper is a great writer. He admits he’s still working on the art of the ask - he recognizes now he’s too impatient.