GUEST POST: Child #2 Makes an Ask for DoorDash

A post from a fundraiser's teenage daughter about how to score Chick-fil-A

[Editorial note: the below was written by Child #2 with light editorial/grammatical corrections made by me]

Hello fun friends,

It’s me! Child #2. I try to read along every week with y’all and thought it was time to get a few things straight and yap about this Substack.

1. I don’t love being called “Child #2.” I’m the oldest, so why am I “Child #2”? I asked my dad about it and he said he made the mistake when he first started and now it’s too late to fix it. This is me fixing it.

2. My hobbies are painting, running, hanging out with my friends, listening to emo music, watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and 10 Things I Hate About You.

3. My dad calls you “waffle-eaters” on here but calls you “my public” at home.

4. At the start of the pandemic I was in 7^th grade. My dad made me create a Powerpoint (when I’m more of a Google Slides sorta girl) of his co-workers and their celebrity lookalikes. We still have it. Here’s one slide:

   

   I didn’t even ask him to pose like that!

Currently I am supposed to be doing my college apps (did you know Maryland costs $30k IN STATE?!). Instead, I’m gonna write about how my dad (aka my Stage Mom) coached me into making an ask the night he and my mom planned to go pick up our “new” car (the one he was talking about a few posts ago). I would link to it but you’ve read it so you’re good, right?

[Editorial note: See the posts “Is Fundraising the Sames as Sales?” and "This Is Czechoslovakian Ivory" from the past two weeks if you don’t know what she’s talking about. It’s not hard or inconvenient to link to previous posts in Substack in case you’re wondering]

I’ll do what my dad does for all these posts and give everyone an alias!!! When I go to my grandma’s house, we watch Golden Girls so I will be using them as our aliases.

I’m Sophia

My dad is Blanche (for obvious reasons)

My mom is Dorothy

Child #1 is Rose

The girls who get it get it and the girls who don’t, don’t.

S I D E B A R

We have a legit family connection to the Golden Girls. There’s an episode called “The Mangiacavallo Curse Makes a Lousy Wedding Present.” Which is close enough to our last name to count. It’s like we’ve been Golden Girls all along!

The episode is about Sophia putting a curse on a guy so his socks won’t stay up.

This year’s Mangiacavallo family photo

Here’s what happened: Blanche picked me up from school after cross country practice. He told me that me and Rose had to get our own dinner because he and Dorothy were going to get the new car. But I was starving and tired and we don’t have any good food in the house so I said we should get DoorDash.

Blanche was driving and was like “good luck with that” and I was like “I can’t do college applications if I’m starving! Rose wants some too!” He said if I wanted DoorDash, I should ask Dorothy, but to do it without irritating her because she was busy with Zoom calls all day.

I asked, “How bro?”

He said, “Try making her laugh.”

I asked, “How bro?”

He said, “Figure it out.” (But then he proceeded to coach me like the stage mom he is).

And I sorta did! Below is the text chain I sent to Dorothy on the drive home:

Start with humor and then keep going. Pretty good don’t you think, waffle eaters?

See Dorothy’s laugh emoji up there? It worked!! We got home, ordered Chick-fil-A, it was amazing as usual, Rose now owes me a favor, and now I’m a fundraiser. Not really, but I sorta get how it works and what this Substack is about.

So, that’s how my dad (aka Stage Mom aka Blanche from Golden Girls) coached me through asking for DoorDash on the drive home from practice and I scored Chick-fil-A for dinner.

In appreciation for his help, I’ll create another Powerpoint of my dad and his co-worker celebrity lookalikes. Here’s what his will be:

Thank you for reading. It makes Blanche happy.

Think of me whenever you eat waffle fries.

Xoxo,

Gossip Girl (Child #2)